Conversations on heat, biology, and that intimate frustration that many couples misinterpret as a loss of love.
By Ehab Soltan
HoyLunes — The second part of the dinner in Madrid began when no one was paying much attention to the dishes anymore. The heat remained clung to the terrace even after midnight, and the conversation had begun to slow down, as if summer were also exhausting our words.
Dr. Amira Mansour, a specialist in biological aging and metabolic health, had just finished a story about sleep and body temperature when she threw an unexpected question my way:
“And you? Why haven’t you asked anything about the heat?”
I smiled.
“In reality, I do have a question. I just don’t know how to let it out”.
She raised an eyebrow, amused.
“That’s rare for someone who makes a living writing”.
I leaned back in my chair and finally dared to ask:
“Why does summer promise sexual desire… but so often the body seems to turn against us?”
The doctor let out a brief laugh.
“Do you know how many times I hear that question every June? Many. Especially from couples who expected to feel more connected during their vacation and end up irritated, tired, or confused”.
She paused.
“The problem is that culture sells us an erotic summer. But the human body, out of pure biology, is often trying to survive the heat, not fall in love within it”.
The Great Contradiction of the Modern Summer
The image we have of summer is powerful: beaches, tanned skin, travel, light bodies, long nights. Everything seems placed there for desire.
But our biology does not understand advertising campaigns.
“Extreme heat forces the organism to choose where to place its efforts”, Amira explained as she slowly swirled the glass between her fingers. “When the body feels thermal stress, its priority ceases to be pleasure. It begins to focus on cooling down, conserving water, regulating pressure, and preventing the internal engine from breaking”.
And then I understood something uncomfortable: many people believe they have an emotional or relationship problem when, in reality, they are experiencing a completely normal physical response.
Because human desire is not born from attraction alone. It is also born from the energy we have to spare.
And today’s summer consumes almost all of it.
The Exhausted Body Does Not Interpret Romance the Same Way
“People cannot imagine how aggressive heat can be,” she continued. “You don’t need to suffer a heat stroke for the organism to begin to suffer”.
Relentless heat alters everything at once:
it ruins sleep quality,
it dehydrates us without us noticing,
it triggers cortisol,
it breaks down muscle recovery,
it puts us in a bad mood,
and it forces the heart to work twice as hard.
It is very difficult to feel desire when your nervous system has spent hours trying not to throw in the towel energetically.
Then she dropped an observation that left me thinking:
“Many couples believe the problem is sexual. Sometimes the problem is purely metabolic”.
Not All Bodies Experience Summer in the Same Way
The doctor insisted heavily on this point:
“One of the great failures of the media is talking about heat as if it hit us all equally”.
And it doesn’t.
Thin individuals
Bodies with little fat tend to lose fluids sooner and can feel fatigue very early, be more irritable, or have strong energy crashes when the sun is at its peak. They often maintain a high pace of life when the body is already calling for a time-out.
Overweight individuals
Here, something different happens. Adipose tissue functions as a natural coat. It is agonizingly difficult for the body to release internal heat. That means more inflammation, terrible night rest, and an exhaustion that doesn’t go away.
Fair skin and dark skin
Fair skin tends to suffer more from direct radiation and solar stress. Dark skin has more natural endurance against certain solar damage, but that does not make it immune to heat exhaustion or to that silent dehydration.
In your 30s
The body still holds its own. The problem is that many believe they are invincible and push the machine more than they should.
In your 40s
It begins to be harder to tolerate those nights of interrupted sleep and the accumulating thermal stress. Fatigue no longer disappears so quickly.
After 50
Here, heat can disrupt internal balance much more. It changes how we feel thirst, how muscles recover, and the strength of the heart. Many people think they have “aged all at once” in August, when part of the fault is thermal and metabolic.
People with chronic illnesses
Diabetes, high blood pressure, anxiety, or hormonal imbalances completely change the rules of the game against the heat.
“And that directly affects desire, mood, and the will to enjoy”, she said. “Not because the person ‘loves their partner less’, but because their organism has nothing left to give”.
Then… why do some people feel more desire in summer?
Amira smiled.
“Because desire is also in the head and in our surroundings”.
Having more sunlight puts us in a better mood. We go out more, there is less clothing involved, more free time, and that dopamine that comes with new things.
The mess comes when what we expect from summer is much more than what the body’s real energy can provide.
That is where unspoken frustrations are born.
People who feel guilty.
Couples who think there is emotional distance.
Women who believe something inside them has been extinguished.
Men who confuse physical exhaustion with a loss of masculinity.
And hardly anyone tells them that the human body does not get along well with constant heat stress.
“The important thing is not just to understand it. It is knowing what to do”
I reminded her of what she herself blurted out at the beginning of the dinner.
“I asked you for solutions, not just a master class”.
She nodded.
“Exactly. Because this isn’t fixed with scares or magic pills. It is fixed by helping the body stop fighting against the summer”.
And then she began to list advice that was, curiously, quite simple.
What Grinds Intimate Energy Down the Most in Summer
Sleeping in rooms that are like ovens
The body needs the temperature to drop to repair itself internally while we sleep. If that doesn’t happen, the brain wakes up inflamed and hit rock bottom.
Alcohol at night, day in and day out
Many think it helps to let loose. In summer, it usually brings more dehydration and destroys sleep and hormones.
Heavy and very late dinners
You force the body to spend energy on digestion just when it should be cooling down and resting.
Overdoing sugar and fast food
They increase inflammation, blood sugar spikes, and that feeling of being “flattened” or lethargic.
Air conditioning at full blast
It doesn’t always help with rest. Sometimes it creates constant thermal stress: the heat of the street, the cold of the interior, and start all over again.
The body ends up living in a permanent state of alert.
So… what really works?
The doctor answered almost reflexively.
Eat to cool down, not to gorge yourself
More:
fruits with lots of water,
fresh vegetables,
light proteins,
natural yogurt,
fish,
olive oil,
foods rich in potassium and magnesium.
Less:
drinks at all hours,
fried foods,
excessive sweets,
massive feasts before bed.
Change the schedule
The body is much more grateful for intimacy when it doesn’t have to fight against the 104-degree heat of four in the afternoon.
Reclaiming real sleep
There is no desire worth having if the brain has not rested.
Taking the pressure off ourselves
And here she said what was surely the key to everything:
“Many people turn their summer bitter by trying to live the movie they’ve been told summer should be”.
There was a silence.
The human body is not here to film perfect scenes. It needs to feel safe, calm, and with its batteries charged.
What almost no one talks about
Before saying goodbye, Amira dropped a phrase that spun in my head all night.
“Sometimes couples believe they have lost the desire to be together. And what they have truly lost is rest”.
I looked at the now-empty terrace.
The heat was still there, floating over Madrid.
And I thought of all those people who reach September thinking their problem is about feelings or love, when perhaps their biology had simply been screaming for weeks for something much more human:
water,
sleep,
a breather,
less noise,
less demands,
and a body that, finally, is no longer forced to survive so that it can once again enjoy.
#BiologicalHealth #Summer #SexualDesire #ThermalStress #Sleep #Hormones #HoyLunes #EhabSoltan
